The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth.

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For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving tzedaka (charity) will get you there.

Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving ― and that means giving.

I’m not looking for that and when that starts coming up, I scale my presence in her life back considerably – I don’t want things to turn into a relationship and therefore I withdraw. I’ve pushed her away and now I’m going to lose her. my goal being that I’d like to return to “stasis” – that perfect sweet spot of comfortable company and sexual satisfaction without having to tie myself down to any relationship.

Then, inevitably, the girl starts to get upset, frustrated, confused, etc. My point here: My goal is to maintain the stage before exclusivity and relationship happens. I’m clear on this and it’s practical for where I am in my life right now.

You need to have a clear idea of what you consider a relationship to be. Some guys need time and there’s nothing wrong with giving a guy time.

Attempting to mold a man/relationship into being the relationship you want is a losing battle – progress is an illusion if you want something that he ultimately does not. Give him space to step up and be that man without manipulating, prodding, hinting, guilting or nagging him to be that man. No good relationship was ever built on the grounds of manipulation. But ultimately you won’t get the relationship you want unless you’re willing to pull the plug on a relationship that isn’t what you want.While a girl could get me to put in more effort by withdrawing a bit, I am ultimately not looking for a relationship and my effort is only going to go so far. I’ve been successfully manipulated into relationships too.In the end, they’ve failed because I knew in my mind, heart and gut that it wasn’t what I wanted and as much as I tried to numb myself into wanting the relationship, I couldn’t kid myself. " "We're choosing to love him," her mother explained, "because love is a choice." There's no better wisdom Susan's mother could have imparted to her before marriage. "Mom," she said hesitantly, "I really appreciate your feelings, but, in all honesty, how can you say you love someone you've never met? Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen ― you can make it happen. This man naturally saw the good in others, and our being there said enough about us that he could love us.