For the last few months, I've sat on my couch while trawling through dating profiles that have been reported by members who think they have spotted the tell-tales signs of a fraudulent user, or are shocked by a naughty profile pic, etc.

And that thing is probably a massive credit card bill.

If your correspondent writes like a nine-year old who has drunk a litre of Red Bull, save yourself many hours of emailing and send a £50 postal order to a randomly selected internet café in Lagos. Pro tip: if you’re suspicious, try Google Image Search.

The story is boring, and there are quite a few women out there who have more compunction about cats in K-holes than you.

Pro tip: don’t use any photos of yourself with wild animals in captivity.

(Unless they let me moderate the conversations - that's where the really juicy stuff happens.) We call it ‘Scammer Grammar’: that weird, ‘hang on, what the hell is this word doing here?

’ syntax that tells you that your correspondent is typing in a language that is not his mother tongue. If you genuinely think that Jo, the perky Nebraskan who fancied a holiday in Sub-Saharan Africa only to immediately have her (his) money and passport stolen, picked you out as the recipient of her (his) distress call because you are better looking and more engaging than the long line of other mid-thirties guys who haven’t seen the inside of a gym since 2004, then you have another thing coming.I don’t know, maybe some girls might think of that as a compliment but personally, I would have preferred a simple message like, “Hey, would you like to talk?I saw that some of your interests were the same as mine,” or something along those lines.Ironically enough, if you could take the best of those women and the best of those men, and place them in a big room where they could sit at a table and ask each other questions in person – you’d probably have 4 or 5 new match-ups by the end of the night. All they have to do is get online every day, sitting on their princess throne and file through the dozens or more profiles of men who have messaged them throughout the day.The problem with online dating is that you can’t see the person’s face when they’re telling you about themselves. I think it’s hard for guys to comprehend the world of online dating from a woman’s perspective. They then flippantly toss out all of those well thought out, carefully crafted messages from most of those poor schmucks, and then they log onto their Facebook accounts to complain to their girlfriends that there are no “good men” left in the world.It will tell you if the profile photo has been ripped from a modelling agency site.