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But I got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. And I wanted to let you know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in a field of four-leaf clovers, I’m close. Have a great weekend and come back on Monday for a juicy reader question from a woman who is ready to toss in the towel on men.
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A recent study looked into why older women — in this case, women in their 60s and 70s — date. Some had lost satisfying relationships because the men wanted to get married but the women didn’t, sometimes because it would hurt them financially and sometimes because they didn’t want to have to care for anyone else anymore.
A few things became clear to the researchers early on — the women treasured their independence and craved companionship. In fact, many said they were not interesting in caretaking ever again — they’d been there and done that.
Here’s what’s happened in the past year — two girlfriends have gotten engaged, and one has her condo on the market and is looking with her boyfriend to buy a new place and move in together. So, because of that and the fact that we live longer, she says, it’s worth putting the time and energy into looking for love regardless of your age.
They are all 50-something, empty-nesters and divorced. The difference between men and women at this age, however, is that we don’t necessarily want the same things.
“If that were true, they would be lowering their standards. In fact, she notes that older women are a lot more selective than older men and younger women are when it comes to picking a partner If anything, it’s more of a level playing field when it comes to midlife dating.
In a talk before boomers (you can watch it below), Adshade says older women really aren’t disadvantaged on the dating market.
I’ve been intentionally keeping my head too busy to think with my heart. I need to date more to understand what I do and don’t like. I won’t be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass. It’s entirely possible that we did hit it off once, and I left without getting your information; or maybe I did get your number and never called because of any one of the above reasons. Just keep making your life exciting and full, so when we do finally come together, we can bring each other joy, because we are already happy. I could have written the same thing ten years ago, if only I were more self-aware.
I’m pretty sure even if we did meet, you wouldn’t like me all that much right now. So don’t spend any more time thinking about where I am or am not.
They desired companionship and a social life — and sex.