Don't call yourself any of the following: witty, ambitious, down-to-earth, or humble.

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I have a CRAZY job and travel ALL THE TIME: Little Rock, Reno, Raleigh... Sometimes I think I should slow down, because I just wanna live in the moment. ""I'm an ambitious 36-year-old with a high-profile job. Sorry, couch potatoes and guys making less than $276K.

I run marathons on Saturdays and triathlons on Sundays. DON' T WASTE MY TIME.""Here goes nothing: I'm a 29-year-old gal who just moved from Boston.

Escaping..first message: It seems dickish, but if you know you won't jibe with someone who messages you, just click delete.

The alternatives— brutal honesty or the soft letdown—only sting more and waste your time.

I have a job that sucks, but I won't bitch about it too much.

(Okay, maybe I will.) I'd like to tell you I hang glide and build soup kitchens in Haiti, but last Saturday I got drunk at home and watched an entire season of_ Gossip Girl_.

Besides, no lady has ever been swept off her feet by a pop-up box that says "Yo."Let's be honest: Online dating is a numbers game, and the majority of people you come across aren't going to work out for one reason or another.

Here's your getaway plan for every step along the way.

Don't just ignore her message—text her and explain directly (but gently) that it just didn't click for you. When I finally logged on, I found out that they were right: It's all of that. The number of profiles I could scroll through was overwhelming.

It was a Whole Foods of my own sexual imagination—and I was shopping on an empty stomach.

And then I started to hear it: that rote, robotic tone in my voice as I told that hysterical anecdote about the road trip to Nevada. The sheer mathematical volume was turning me into an asshole.