If you're lying when you call yourself a "versatile top," either call it quits now or start working on your oral communication skills.

Be prepared to be judged by all the members of the orgy.

Nine: If you've met the guy online and have never met in person, and if his entire chat so far has been about how amazingly hot you are and how amazingly much he's into you and how he's quite certain you're the guy for him, he will hate you within 20 minutes of your date and you will never hear from him again.

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However, if you don't have an immediate answer for "Do you want to get married? " the date has just ended; don't even bother to take your coat off.

Eleven: Contrary to popular belief, opinions are not like assholes, because in today's gay world, assholes are glorious and sexy and displayed prominently in photos sent to you from potential suitors.

If he's 22 years old and wears glasses and weighs 108 pounds and says "for some reason people tend to think I'm a Twink," feign surprise and say "men are so into labels." Then help him lift his martini glass to his lips and move on.

Five: If you're over thirty and at least four years older than your date, don't be surprised if he calls you Daddy.

If you're not a good match (and dates are like new restaurants; about one in eight survive), you're both going to share that awkward moment of "Do I un-friend him or keep reading about his 'Why do I always meet losers? Four: Even though gay men love to label everyone, they despise being labeled.