Noisier still is the entirely needless grunt I expel as I hoist myself from a chair after dinner.

This includes any social engagement that requires standing up for extended periods.

Gigs - once my night out of choice - must now be seated and within an hour’s travel of my home.

Not in some nihilistic or maudlin way – I think about death every day simply because I am more accepting of its inevitability. I’m much less interested in having “stuff” than I was when I was younger.

By contrast, I now collect happy memories obsessively, take time out to enjoy my loved ones and actively plan things I want to do instead of putting them off.

Queuing to get in anywhere is out of the question, and music in bars must be low enough to allow conversation.

Table service is preferable; clear access to bar and clean loo, a non-negotiable.

The one problem with big data is that it removes the human element – and dating is very much about human connection. I think the attraction to 20 year olds is in large part biological.

But the same way I try to lay out best practices for dating and relationships while allowing for many exceptions to the rules, I think we’d all be well served to pay attention to how people really act when no one’s looking instead of taking their word for it. Men are attracted to women who are at their most fertile.

A last minute cancellation feels like a Lotto win for all concerned.